Reconciliation is defined as “the restoration of a state of peace in the relationship, in which the entities at least do not harm each other, and one can begin to have confidence that they will not do so in the future, the which means that revenge is a given as an option” (Santa-Barbara, 174). This definition is a starting point for understanding reconciliation but does not address the spirit of forgiveness involved. It is important to recognize the harm done by others, but it becomes necessary to represent it in a positive and understanding way. This gives the persecutor a not so negative and “monstrous” image, but also requires the victim to recognize that harm has been done. For reconciliation to occur, all parties involved must be able to approach each other as if they were family members. They must approach each other with an orientation of good will towards each other and with an open heart eager to understand the other. It is essential that both parties are open to an unexpected movement of the spirit: apology and forgiveness. Once reconciliation begins, the long road to rebuilding trust and respect begins. Vern Redekop spoke about the fundamental direction for reconciliation. “Smudging” was used as an example of a practice among the “First Peoples.” This exercise uses smoke to symbolically wash the different parts of a person's body and reorient them towards positive goals. This begins with the orientation to be open to seeing the good things and to look at the past in the most positive way. Being open to the possibility of peace is fundamental to a peacebuilding process. The Handbook places great emphasis on harm, its discovery and its recognition, while Redekop is more interested in being open to forgiveness. ......middle paper ......eness, then work together to rebuild trust and constructive relationships. Finally, people must work together after reconciliation to prevent these conflicts from happening again. The greatest forces in reconciliation are love and forgiveness, the greatest obstacle is shame. We are driven mimetically and therefore must exemplify a model that does not lead to future harm. If we as human beings work together to form healthy and lasting relationships, we will one day achieve a peaceful society. Learning to deal with pain and conflict is fundamental to human development because it teaches us to become better people and create valuable relationships. Bibliography Redekop, Vern. The paradoxes of reconciliation. January 26-27, 2010.Santa-Barbara, Joanna. (2009). Reconciliation In C. Webel and J. Galtung (eds.), Handbook of Peace and Conflict Studies (pp.106-120). New York: Routledge.