A while ago I was asked a question by a man who sincerely wanted his wife to feel more secure in their marriage. (He had treated her abusively and had shown the fruit of sincere repentance, that is, he had learned from his mistakes and had turned to God to learn and apply new ways of behaving.) As happens in many marriages, not that he we hear a lot, there is abuse and statistics tell us that 85% of abuse is perpetrated by husbands. Many wives have become victims of abuse, and many of these abuses are invisible, such as verbal, psychological, emotional, financial, and abandonment. This article focuses on the abuse suffered by wives, the 85%, not the abuse suffered by husbands (15%), which I will talk about another time. Say no to plagiarism. Get a tailor-made essay on "Why Violent Video Games Shouldn't Be Banned"? Get an original essay At the center of the abuse is a husband driven by insecurity and a need for control. Any man worth his salt will attest to these drives, but not all men succumb to those drives. At the core of every person is the need to feel safe and secure, but the needs for safety and security are high in women. For a wife, that need for security is met most profoundly in the way her husband provides her holistic care, loving her and unequivocally respecting her right to mental and emotional well-being, making sure there are no obstacles, accepting that it is her domain . , to which it adds its proactive support. In simpler terms, it satisfies her safety needs by making her feel safe. What does it mean? He doesn't control her in any way and his wife is the arbiter in that regard. If she feels controlled, she knows it and feels insecure. He has the power to call it what it is. And he listens with humility and corrects his behavior. Observe how he interacts with his wife and be careful not to behave in ways that make her feel anxious. (This assumes he is interested and curious enough to know what makes her feel anxious.) Where his behavior causes her anxiety, he is quick to acknowledge his mistake and regret it. He manages his anger, knowing that annoyance, frustration and irritation are what he feels. His wife experiences much more threatening emotions, such as fear, intimidation, and diminished personality. Recognizes that there are stark differences in how gender roles play out; that his fear outweighs his frustration. Even though he hates being frustrated and annoyed, he hates contributing to her feeling scared more. He understands the privilege and power he is entitled to simply by being male in this world. This is a journey for a man to come to this understanding, because he has never been a woman. But understanding gender privilege and the power that comes with it, he has a choice: to disempower himself and empower those around him, especially the girls and women in his life. He takes his responsibilities seriously, is not quick to blame his wife for anything, and willingly takes the plank out of her conflicted eye (Matthew 7:1-5). And when he falters, he is quick to apologize sincerely. [1] It is committed to resolving conflicts peacefully. He learns when he can overlook a crime, engages in reconciliation and negotiation, and takes responsibility upon himself. It gives her permission to do what she feels called or obligated to do, understanding that she should not be required to get her permission. He is her cheerleader. He has control over his life. He shares his feelings with her but is careful to never blame or attack her. In other words, he owns her feelings and can keep her safe in his.